A Brief History of Time (Version: Hindutva)

Historians, Geologists, Evolutionary scientists and the whole scientific community with its research over hundreds of years have given us a picture of the history of time and human evolution and development.

This body of knowledge was shaken by the publication of a book called Tejomay Bharath. This book which is a compulsory text book for primary and secondary school children in Gujarat and is supposed to teach them everything about "facts about history , geography, science and other basics". The book claims that stem cell research was present during the time of Mahabharatha (A story whose origins are traced somewhere around 9th century BC, proof of writing around 400BC and it reached the final form somewhere during the Gupta Period). The book also claims that cars were present during Vedic times and so was the Television, quoting instances from the Mahabharatha. Remember this is compulsory to all school children.

After reading this I thought why not make their job easy. So here it is the

                              Brief History of Time (Version Hindutva 1.0)

      Long Long ago, there was the Big Bang. The Hindu country of India was present before that, because it was Indians who discovered the Big Bang. After millions of years of continous heating and cooling the earth became habitable. Then the Indians invented the human being (For the scientific community its Homo sapien). Yes we invented the human! After the invention of the human, Indians being philosophically inclined, wanted to instill purpose to the people. So they wrote the ancient scriptures (at that point of time it was Post-Bang literature, yes we Indians had post modernism even before the monkey appeared!) . Through these scriptures the Indians wrote on paper, about the past the present and the future. They wrote about evolution, about economics, about stem cell research, about nuclear weapons in an unclear language, they wrote about the internet, they wrote about basically everything! Whatever had/will be/was/would be invented and discovered were in the scriptures! All this so that after thousands of years one small bunch of people could boast about their superiority (Purpose of Life). Once it was written the earth was so impressed that it started to work according to these scriptures. Thus as time goes on, Indians posses the ultimate knowledge of the universe, for they had the book which contained everything, everything except , wait it has everything, sorry, it has everything! So time is not moving, it is just the scriptures talking..... (Dramatic end)

I am so proud to be an Indian (Wipes tear, sniffs). Looking at the things written in the book Tejomay Bharath, I think the economic slowdown India is experiencing is not bad. If we had cars and stem cells research 2500 years ago, then we have moved ahead in civilization so much that we have hit the plateau. So by the time the rest of the world reaches the stage India is now (With multiple languages, multiple cultures, multiple religions, multiple people) it would be another two thousand years. So e are way ahead of any time! This is a reason to celebrate! In case you did not understand, here is a graph to make it clear! (Indians invented the graphs)

 

On the X axis - Time; On the Y-axis - Development (Favorite of Hindutva)

O- The Big Bang and Creation/existence of India

A- Indians invent the Human being

B- Where the countries other than India are in the process of Development.

C- Writing of the Scriptures+ Invention of stem cells, cars and whatever you can see/hear

D- India's position in comparison to the rest of the world (Also where other countries think they are, but they are at B

{This graph is also taken from the scriptures, which explains its ancient look, yet again proving...you know what}

To conclude I want quote from the ancient scriptures the correct quote of Descartes

                        "I am Indian, therefore I am and I know......I wish"