A couple of days ago I realized that I have an affinity to board ridiculously strange buses. I also realized it was never out of choice , but pure chance. Here is my latest one.
This bus was supposed to take me from Mannadavady (a small town in Kerala) to Kalpetta (a small town in Kerala, where 2:1 is the ratio of gold jewellery shops to number of people).
Let me provide a formalist view of the bus first. A 30 seater bus, of an unknown make. The paint job was a vibrant pink and purple over off-white. The interior was heavily chromed (the railings, supports etc). The upholstery seemed heavier than the chrome. Maroon velvet seat covers covered with dark blue diamonds, and shining off-white head rests. With the shiny poles and cushioned seats, the bus resembled a strip-club, with the obvious elements missing!
The wind shield of the bus had a board which said that it was a 'Fast Passenger'. What was thought to be a good thing, was actually not! There are two possibilities I inferred, either the bus was one of those raerest-of-rare artifacts where the brake is an extra throttle, or the driver has a firm belief that the horn itself is the brake. The bus did not slow down to anything. Sharp curves, head-on traffic, cows, Lungi clad road crossers , come what may the bus did not slow down. If the people at CERN had traveled in this bus before, they would not have wasted so much money on a particle accelerator. At about this time , I threw my bucket list out of the window, as I clearly did not see the point of having one.
I looked around to see if anything in the bus would give me comfort. There was a 'No Smoking' board. Obviously, anyone who tries to smoke at this speed is risking a burnt face ( Like one of those road runner cartoons). Next to it was the Complaint Box and as expected there was no box. It understood that once you have seen "The Light" there is no use complaining. Plus if you survived, you should be happy to be alive, so No Complaints!
Next my eyes moved to the First aid box. That was certainly a relief. I was confident that at the moment of adversity, there would surely be help to nurse the cut on my little toe finger. Although I would have to wait for the medics to tend to my cracked skull, broken neck, collapsed lungs, ruptured intestines, displaced spine and not to mention a couple of bruises here and there. Then I realized that even the first-aid kit was missing. I need to appreciate the owners of this bus for their impressive thinking. They had replaced the kit with the music system! Ah! What better thing than music to heal the petrified soul! I then paid attention to the music. One of the most popular Bollywood song of the 90's"Dil to pagal hai" (the heart is mad) was playing. Quite an apt song for one has to be mad to get into this ride!
Fortunately Kalpetta arrived. I was still breathing, my "pagal heart" was still beating and I used all the adrenalin in my body to jump out on to terra firma! As the bus zoomed, I saw Emergency Exit written on the back of the bus. It was not an exit for the bus, but in case you wanted an "emergency exit" from the beautiful life in Kerala, you had to take this Hell ride in God's Own Country!
This bus was supposed to take me from Mannadavady (a small town in Kerala) to Kalpetta (a small town in Kerala, where 2:1 is the ratio of gold jewellery shops to number of people).
Let me provide a formalist view of the bus first. A 30 seater bus, of an unknown make. The paint job was a vibrant pink and purple over off-white. The interior was heavily chromed (the railings, supports etc). The upholstery seemed heavier than the chrome. Maroon velvet seat covers covered with dark blue diamonds, and shining off-white head rests. With the shiny poles and cushioned seats, the bus resembled a strip-club, with the obvious elements missing!
The wind shield of the bus had a board which said that it was a 'Fast Passenger'. What was thought to be a good thing, was actually not! There are two possibilities I inferred, either the bus was one of those raerest-of-rare artifacts where the brake is an extra throttle, or the driver has a firm belief that the horn itself is the brake. The bus did not slow down to anything. Sharp curves, head-on traffic, cows, Lungi clad road crossers , come what may the bus did not slow down. If the people at CERN had traveled in this bus before, they would not have wasted so much money on a particle accelerator. At about this time , I threw my bucket list out of the window, as I clearly did not see the point of having one.
I looked around to see if anything in the bus would give me comfort. There was a 'No Smoking' board. Obviously, anyone who tries to smoke at this speed is risking a burnt face ( Like one of those road runner cartoons). Next to it was the Complaint Box and as expected there was no box. It understood that once you have seen "The Light" there is no use complaining. Plus if you survived, you should be happy to be alive, so No Complaints!
Next my eyes moved to the First aid box. That was certainly a relief. I was confident that at the moment of adversity, there would surely be help to nurse the cut on my little toe finger. Although I would have to wait for the medics to tend to my cracked skull, broken neck, collapsed lungs, ruptured intestines, displaced spine and not to mention a couple of bruises here and there. Then I realized that even the first-aid kit was missing. I need to appreciate the owners of this bus for their impressive thinking. They had replaced the kit with the music system! Ah! What better thing than music to heal the petrified soul! I then paid attention to the music. One of the most popular Bollywood song of the 90's"Dil to pagal hai" (the heart is mad) was playing. Quite an apt song for one has to be mad to get into this ride!
Fortunately Kalpetta arrived. I was still breathing, my "pagal heart" was still beating and I used all the adrenalin in my body to jump out on to terra firma! As the bus zoomed, I saw Emergency Exit written on the back of the bus. It was not an exit for the bus, but in case you wanted an "emergency exit" from the beautiful life in Kerala, you had to take this Hell ride in God's Own Country!
