Save the Press, Save Democracy.

The government rejoiced as the World Bank announced, that India had risen up 30 places to reach 100 on the 'Ease of doing Business' ranking. However, it was not equally concerned about the fall in in the Press Freedom ranking, a drop caused by growing nationalism and a spree of journalists murders.
May be in this era, business was the fourth estate of democracy.
But, in these times of joy and sorrow, arose two heroes. One had business in his genes. The other had knowledge. What they saw was not a problem but an opportunity, for they were optimists!
A few power-points, some networking and a few days in a swanky-chic co-working space later, they had their brain child:
RWB Securities [Reporters with Barbwire]. A premium security agency that provides 24X7 security to all journalists!
Thanks to the ease of doing business, they could register this company in just one day. To top that off, they could do all this online! All that they needed now was money. And so, they began their pilgrimage (or should I say 'pillage'grimage) to the venture capitalists.
Their pitch began with the horrific images of murdered journalists, then turned to logos to persuade about the beauty that is democracy, and then hit the target by shooting bulls eye at return on investments. Their pitch was so perfect, that the doors opened and an angel investor descended into the conference room. It was not a dream, it was the supreme leader. "I want to invest" said Ambani, and the flood gates of champagne opened.
The Times of India (TOI) was following this story closely. It too was an optimist, for it saw an opportunity. So TOI proposed in its signature style "Give me 40% of your shares and I shall take you where eagles dare!" The heroes could not believe they were getting such strong investors. Gods were on their side.
With TOI on board, and Ambani being the angel he is, India woke up to headline after headline about the need for security for journalists. Editors of other newspapers panicked, and started to cover more about violence against journalists. With the Ambani backed money, ads of RWB ran on the broadsheets and shortwaves, on idiot boxes and smart phones.
Journalists started to  worry and hired RWB. Some who were brave, were coerced by genuinely worried family members to hire RWB. The government gave the contract to RWB to ensure journalists' safety. No other 'journalists security agency' could compete, for RWB had all the money.
RWB went public. The patriotic citizens of India invested in RWB for they wanted a strong fourth estate. The heroes were so famous and rich by now, that they were on panels to advise the government on policies.
Amidst all this optimism, a lone journalist wrote a story about this business and how it did not make sense. Urgh! The pessimism of an anti-capitalist!
The heroes were worried. RWB was about to receive its second round of investments, Ambani was pouring in more, the company had a steady growth rate of 12%, the investors were happy. Now was not the time for such nonsense.
After careful consultation with Ambani & co, and the government, RWB sent a notice to the journalist, stating they would remove his security and he would be on his own to defend against senes (armies) of nationalism. Or, he could withdraw the story and enjoy the presence of life. The journalist was caught between ideals, morals, family, and fear. The clock was ticking.
As the sun rose the next morning, the story disappeared like the dark of the night.
Democracy was yet again safe, in its coffin, six feet under.
India rose to rank 50 in the Ease of doing business.

I wont take my 'hats off' for the Army

A private news channel, which has a national presence, holds an annual event where they go and meet/greet the soldiers serving the motherland during Deepavali (One of the most famous festivals of India). They bring in a lot of emotion, saying that the soldiers are away from their families and are in need of an assurance that they are not left alone and to respect the service they are doing.

The Soldier. One of the most celebrated and looked up profession in the country. Nothing shows  patriotism as much as a man in the uniform. The lifestyle revered, the job feared and the soldiers an asset to the country.

Personally, I would not salute or take my hats off for an army guy. I don't owe him anything. At least in my 27 years of existence, I don't.

When I make this argument I am confronted with (And I know I will be in the future) with a lot of strong arguments. Arguments citing that I am "safe" because of them, that the country is "safe" because of them, they work in the harshest of conditions and I need to respect that and the quintessential i-phone argument of "you have not been in the army, so you don't know what it takes."

Let me put forth my argument. For my argument I use another job which I feel needs more respect than the army man. I shall present my argument as comparison to this vocation.

Joining the military is a personal choice. People might join the army for various reasons, but still it is a choice. India does not have compulsory military service. Now lets look at the coal miners of India. None of the "army joining crowd" would personally make a choice to be a coal miner. When Rob Kendrick of the National Geographic visited the coal mines in India, the most powerful moment for him was when he saw three generations of a family working in the coal mine. This is certainly not by choice! But the Soldier is an honourable man.

The argument "Army is essential for the country" is pretty common. In a country where the main commercial energy source is Coal ( Around 55% of the installed electrical capacity) I feel the coal miner is needed more than the soldier! With the Government infesting the country with the "development" rhetoric should know this better. Well the Army itself demands on the coal industry directly or indirectly but still the Soldier is an honourable man.

Next comes the argument "they keep the country safe". In the present world where the war is fought by information and economics, the movement of soldiers is merely a symbolic action. War is the village shandy for Arms manufacturers, steel magnets and oil merchants to show off what they have and for upper class, rich, suit and tie misanthropes to argue who has the longer "organ", as for them death of the soldiers brings bling in their bank accounts. In this age of economic warfare the finest foot soldier is the coal miner with his hammer. But the soldier is an honourable man.

When the Armyphiles (Yes, I just created a word) are in an intense argument, the "they work in harsh conditions" argument comes up every time. I would agree that they work in really harsh conditions, the deserts, the himalayas, the rough seas and the unpredictable skies. But the army gets all the necessary supplies to survive the "harsh" conditions. From metal toed boots to oxygen cylinders, from camouflage fatigues to fine whiskey! What does the malnourished coal miner, who wears shorts and flip flops and descends 400 feet into the earth to drill a 3 foot high rat hole, and go scrape coal, while the whole uncertainty of the hole caving in is in the back of his mind, does he get any supplies? Many be a torch so that he can go deeper or may be a cheap cigarette for his breaks (As if he hasn't inhaled enough). But still, the soldier is an honourable man.

Lets come to the benefits the soldier gets of his patriotic work. The Indian army website lists the benefits the army men get. From travel concessions, to rations on supplies. From pension and gratuity to free medical care. From allowances over allowances to family benefits. The list is so long that once I had completed reading the list my hair had turned grey! What does the poor miner get? Well a temporary plastic shed and no toilets! Of course the soldier is an honourable man!

This is just an example. I can draw equally strong examples using farmers, ragpickers and the whole unorganised labour sector. But in the end of the day the soldier is an honourable man.

Yes, the army helps out during Natural disasters, but it is the same army indulging in heinous crimes in the North-East and Kashmir. I don not want my taxes to go the soldier! I want my taxes (I would pay extra if the farmer got more) to go to the most basic of vocations. I find it hard to believe that the concept of a soldier which gained much hype during ancient times where fighting meant survival is still going, not only going but is increasing! But even in the 21st Century Modern-Developed world the soldier still is an honourable man.

On the last note, let us see the movie industry of India. From my memory I can just remember one movie "Kaala Patthar" (Black Rock) based on coal mining, but the number of army/military movies are innumerable! Another medium is the advertising industry which banks on the military rhetoric in so many instances! Yes the soldier is an honourable and profitable man!

I shall end this blog with an open challenge. All you 24X7 News Channels out there, all you CSR flaunting corporates, wish one coal miner or farmer or ragpicker a happy Deepavali and you might actually "light up" someones life.

To kill a freaking cockroach!

DISCLAIMER: I am not for violence. I am all for Non-violence.

APOLOGY: I would like to apologise to Harper Lee for taking the title of her famous book and destroying it (Read killing it).

If you want to kill, kill a cockroach. Actually kill a mosquito. Whichever you find first, kill it.
I have grown up in a house which has a pretty big garden and a store room for coconuts, thus ensuring a relentless supply of both the targets. With this background, I naturally am an expert in executing these creatures by using a variety of weapons. From my bare hands to the ever dependable flip-flops. (I can even strike with the right amount of force to render a cockroach immobile, but it will survive. Yes there is humanity in me )

Why should you kill a cockroach? You should because it can take it. It like the Dark Knight. It is the sole living creature which can at any given time, can boost your ego by taking a hit. The most self sacrificing I have come across. You might want to know why it boosts one's ego. There are couple of reasons which I will list
1. When go and attack a cockroach, it will never go down without a chase. It will take the turns, escape the blows and finally surrender in the corner. Thus you know you have to have certain level of nuero-muscular coordination to achieve this, not to mention the fear that it might open its wings and fly!
2. Secondly the cockroach is a symbol of the whole animal kingdom. It has the look of an insect, the build of spider, the shine of a reptile, the finesse of a deer, the stealth of leopard, some have wings and have conquered the skies. Thus when your footwear smashes into the crunchy crust of the cockroach (the sound very similar to a deep fried potato breaking between your teeth), you are not just thrashing a Bllatarian, but you are showing your dominance over the whole animal kingdom. (When the power of rational thought is not enough to boost your ego over animals, the cockroach comes as a saviour to facilitate our ever lasting longing for someone to blow our egos)
3. Nuclear Bombs kill people. Cockroaches are said to survive Nuclear blasts. You can kill a cockroach with your left hand! You are stronger than the Nuclear bomb! (So please stop using them)
4. A similar argument can be drawn for mosquitoes, but they are insignificant! You can show that you are more powerful than malaria, but all you get when you kill a mosquito is nothing but a skid mark of blood on your palms! Which results in an unwanted but necessary trip to the washbasin.

So you can see that cockroaches are a nobel kind. So move over dogs and cats. Go get your self some cockroaches, let them breed, while you go choose your weapon of choice. After that its showtime! You smash the freaking roaches and get some respect! Go own your house!!

Swearing about swearing-ins!

In the movie The Avengers (2012, Marvel Studios) , Tony Stark (Ironman) and Steve Rogers (Captain America) are trying to figure out what the bad guy (Loki) is up to, when Tony Stark says
"He had to conquer his greed, but he knows he has to take us out to win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us, he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience. Yeah. That's just previews, this is...this is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tail diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered!"
Now for all the Indians who have been following the country's politics since May, the Loki character might seem very familiar. Yes, I am referring to our Prime Minister Modi (Its almost scary how the names look similar).

When Modi was to be sworn-in as Prime minister, he made sure he had a lot of audience, he made sure there were parades and flowers! The event was attended by the premiers of all the SAARC countries (including India's "enemy" Pakistan), film stars and a whole bunch of big names from the Indian elite. The lucky 4000 were guarded by an unlucky 10,000 strong security force! No one until Modi had had such a spectacular ceremony. His victory resounded around the world thanks to this megalomaniac venture.

If anyone , like me thought the extravagance would end there, they were wrong. Out came the preposterous idea of building a mammoth structure! (For more on that read my previous post on the statue )

And it did not stop there. The assembly elections were held in Haryana and Maharashtra and the BJP, which happens to be Modi's party won in both the elections. And guess what? The swearing in ceremony was a spectacle again!! The Maharahtra Chief Minister will be accepting his role in Wankhade stadium!! Yes the place where India won cricket matches! I bet with the influence of Modi over the US running high, the next US President will take oath during the half-time of Super Bowl!

Thank to our media friends, the whole country knows how big a spectacle was when Modi went to the US. Madison square Garden had a packed audience and the ceremony was complete with Bollywood numbers. It was such a spectacle that Rupert Murdoch should have asked Modi to come every year, and he could turn this into a pay-per-view event, complete with commercial breaks to show how Modi has "developed" Gujarat! Instead of  "Make in India" he could generate revenues even it the US (Even if the revenues are generated for Murdoch its ok, Modi's development model depends on feeding the rich)

One question has to be asked. Where did all the money come from for these spectacles? Did the party pay? Or did the rich men sponsor it? At least the swearing in ceremony is paid from the people's taxes right? Why isn't anybody protesting? May be that's how things go in a developed country!

At a time when money is being thrown for these lavish stage shows, Arun Jaitely the Finance Minister put the Government on an austerity drive! That is some fine politics, spend the people's money but show them that you are working to cut the spending. Bravo! The opposite decisions of the Government makes me fell Mohammad Bin-tugalaq is back in power!

Coming back to the Loki analogy, what Ironman said about Loki fits perfectly to Modi- "he's a full-tail diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered!"

PS: I have compared Modi to Loki and Mohammad Bin-Tugalaq. Any comments/discussions I shall be in Cell-21, Mysore Jail.

Strange Times

We live in strange times. Dickens might have had the best and the worst, but at this time, we live in strange times. Let me provide some examples to explain why I feel so.

We live in a time where the common man dances and rejoices when a politician is given a conditional bail by the Supreme Court. This politician has been accused of amassing wealth disproportionate to the income received. Doesn't the common man realise that someone became morbidly rich with his money, and now the common man fanatically fights/celebrates for the politicians release from prison. Or are they blinded by the minuscule material gifts offered that he is ready to continue his dream of rags to riches while another bunch grow grotesquely rich at their expense? We live in strange times.

We live in a time where just about an year ago the word 'Nirbhay' would kindle memories of one of the most horrific crimes that happened Delhi. The word became a symbol, a symbol for fighting against Rape and Rapists. It was a fight against violence and one of the most brutal forms of violence! Today the Indian military tested a missile called 'Nirbhay', capable of carrying nuclear warheads and most importantly inducing violence! So is 'Nirbhay' against violence or for violence? We live in strange times.

We live in a time where we have "leader" who pushes  foreign countries to do business in India. If the countries do agree, there is going to be an influx of people along with all the money. But it is strange that xenophobia is so high in the country that we can't seem to accept our own countrymen, countrymen of a "secular" country, because they belong to a different religion, different state, different race ,ethnicity etc! We live in strange times.

We live in a time where the government is ready to spend crores of rupees on the memorial of a film actor. It is so eager that even before you can blink the construction of the memorial would have begun, while the government has to think twice, thrice sometimes for years to waiver a loan taken by a farmer citing reasons as bad as "they don't work hard"! We live in strange times.

We live in a time where soldiers are glorified to an extent where people think the country is surviving because of them, while on the other hand the farmers and the menial labourers get no mention. News channels start initiatives with foreign companies to congratulate and wish soldiers during festivals, and what does the farmer get? No yearly bonus, no bottle of scotch, no subsidies on anything for doing something as selfless and definitely much more important work than the soldier! Yes , protect your motherland, but remember when you have nothing to eat there will neither be a motherland nor a mother! (I had to ignite the emotional rhetoric else it is impossible overcome the prevailing ideology) We live in strange times.

We live in a time where the media reports that a movie amassed crores of rupees over the first weekend ! They forget to report that the people who refused and revolted to pay extra taxes (even after getting benefits) are the same who poured money into gold-class tickets to watch one rich guy dance with one rich girl, who is been directed by one rich director and the movie produced by some guy richer than all of them. Its a time where people are ready to whine about the roads but won't pay for them, but will happily pour money into a movie ticket and then whine about the movie!! We live in strange times.

We live in a time where the "leader" orates with magnificent brilliance and says that the environment is important and he is also the same guy who clears all the environmental restrictions to industries, because Industries "make in India" and then consume and destroy the environment, push unnecessary products into the society, pollute and dirty the whole place, while our "Leader" is running a campaign to Clean India with a broom in his hand!! Who will clean up the industries' mess Mr Prime Minister? We live in strange times.

We live in a time where people say 'Love makes the world go round" and then see all advertisements where love can be expressed only by diamonds, rings, watches and cars, and then go buy all of these to "love" and unfortunately its this buying and not the Love, which is making the world go round! Love, yes we even love in strange times.

Setting the Bar way above 'Wrighteous'

People who have traveled across the deserts, tell stories of the heat, the struggles, the hallucinations and the ultimate pleasure of spotting an oasis and drinking its water in the omnipresent heat of the sands. People have written about it, have sung songs and even made movies. Unfortunately I have never experienced that till now, except vicariously. Until I came to London.
Nestled in the concrete desert of central London, midst the rolling buildings of cement and glass, lies a place, small in stature, but an oasis of humanity.
Wrights Bar, is a food joint, situated right next to the main building of the London School of economics and Political science. Its a small place with a seating area for around eight people, but satisfying stomachs (and souls) of more than 800 (gross underestimation) students, laborers and professors (Actually all of them are laborers, Marx et al).
In the desert of black suits, stern faces, and hopeless dreams, this is one place where one is greeted with a genuine smile. A smile of recognition of ancient times. This 15X7 space is where the boundaries of business and family collapse.
The food is simple. Bland English sandwiches and chips, coffee in Styrofoam cups and burgers in paper bags. In the yellow glare of the sandy desert, a sizzler served with a generous topping of love and laughter tastes better than ever! and this place is no different. To compliment the grey gloom of the man made desert, that extra mayonnaise and a reference to you as 'love' is enough to instill a sense of hope in not just your life but in humanity in general. Forgive my frequent references back to Marx, but the great man did show us that economics is the base, and underlying the joy of the well made chips bloodshot by chili sauce, is the fact that one had hardly reduced the weight of the coins in one's pocket!
It is a relief to walk into a lace where the mechanized smiles and robotic greeting of cafe 'chains' is absent. This is not a corporation, this is a family business.This bar does not have stakeholders/shareholders/clients. They have customers, they have regulars and they have people like me who consider them family.
Like all reviews I can end this with a cliched quote of "you wont get it unless you experience it", but I feel that there are oasis of humanity like Wrights Bar, in every area and I urge you go search for them, for the world today needs a bit of humanity and plus you will be liberated from the slave chains of white, green, blue and maroon coffee cups!

A Brief History of Time (Version: Hindutva)

Historians, Geologists, Evolutionary scientists and the whole scientific community with its research over hundreds of years have given us a picture of the history of time and human evolution and development.

This body of knowledge was shaken by the publication of a book called Tejomay Bharath. This book which is a compulsory text book for primary and secondary school children in Gujarat and is supposed to teach them everything about "facts about history , geography, science and other basics". The book claims that stem cell research was present during the time of Mahabharatha (A story whose origins are traced somewhere around 9th century BC, proof of writing around 400BC and it reached the final form somewhere during the Gupta Period). The book also claims that cars were present during Vedic times and so was the Television, quoting instances from the Mahabharatha. Remember this is compulsory to all school children.

After reading this I thought why not make their job easy. So here it is the

                              Brief History of Time (Version Hindutva 1.0)

      Long Long ago, there was the Big Bang. The Hindu country of India was present before that, because it was Indians who discovered the Big Bang. After millions of years of continous heating and cooling the earth became habitable. Then the Indians invented the human being (For the scientific community its Homo sapien). Yes we invented the human! After the invention of the human, Indians being philosophically inclined, wanted to instill purpose to the people. So they wrote the ancient scriptures (at that point of time it was Post-Bang literature, yes we Indians had post modernism even before the monkey appeared!) . Through these scriptures the Indians wrote on paper, about the past the present and the future. They wrote about evolution, about economics, about stem cell research, about nuclear weapons in an unclear language, they wrote about the internet, they wrote about basically everything! Whatever had/will be/was/would be invented and discovered were in the scriptures! All this so that after thousands of years one small bunch of people could boast about their superiority (Purpose of Life). Once it was written the earth was so impressed that it started to work according to these scriptures. Thus as time goes on, Indians posses the ultimate knowledge of the universe, for they had the book which contained everything, everything except , wait it has everything, sorry, it has everything! So time is not moving, it is just the scriptures talking..... (Dramatic end)

I am so proud to be an Indian (Wipes tear, sniffs). Looking at the things written in the book Tejomay Bharath, I think the economic slowdown India is experiencing is not bad. If we had cars and stem cells research 2500 years ago, then we have moved ahead in civilization so much that we have hit the plateau. So by the time the rest of the world reaches the stage India is now (With multiple languages, multiple cultures, multiple religions, multiple people) it would be another two thousand years. So e are way ahead of any time! This is a reason to celebrate! In case you did not understand, here is a graph to make it clear! (Indians invented the graphs)

 

On the X axis - Time; On the Y-axis - Development (Favorite of Hindutva)

O- The Big Bang and Creation/existence of India

A- Indians invent the Human being

B- Where the countries other than India are in the process of Development.

C- Writing of the Scriptures+ Invention of stem cells, cars and whatever you can see/hear

D- India's position in comparison to the rest of the world (Also where other countries think they are, but they are at B

{This graph is also taken from the scriptures, which explains its ancient look, yet again proving...you know what}

To conclude I want quote from the ancient scriptures the correct quote of Descartes

                        "I am Indian, therefore I am and I know......I wish" 

One budget, one statue, one country.

The newly formed Indian Government today brought out the annual budget. This is a day when the spotlight is on the Finance Minister, where he reads out his plan as to how his government will manage the money. This is a day when all the News channels are on a high, bombarding television screens with info graphics, charts, graphs and expert opinions (Once I typed it out, it looks like the everyday schedule of the 24X7 News channels).
Normally the words thrown around on this day include Tax, GDP, Fiscal deficit, Inflation, cheaper and some more in the same genre.
The newly formed government heralds itself as the 'change' people voted for. In an attempt to maintain the image, they try to do something different from what the previous government did.
This budget was no different!
Point number 33, on the 8th page of the Union budget speech the Finance minister said and I quote "Government of Gujarat has embarked upon the mission to build the largest statue of Sardar Vallabh Bhai Patel. Sardar Patel stands as the symbol of the unity of the country. To support the Gujarat government in this initiative to erect the Statue of Unity, I propose to set aside a sum of Rs 200 crore."
So erecting a statue is so important it features as a main point in the national budget! Yes, this news has made the poorest farmer in Vidharbha relinquish his attempt to commit suicide because now there is a statue for which he can live for!
A little bit of background on this. Gujarat is the state where our prime minister rose to fame. Its his Frankenstein. The Gujarat state government is planning to erect a 183 meter long statute (Statue of Liberty is 93 meters) of Sardar Patel, a freedom fighter and the first deputy prime minister of India. The cost of this project is is Rs 2500 crore ($415 million). The center has now agreed to pay $34 million for this project.
Setting aside the grotesque display, which I am sure has made Patel turn in his grave, is the obvious money spent on this. If the government is spending so much, I thought I would give some suggestions on how the statue has to be built.
1. Instead of erecting the statue vertically, erect it horizontally so that homeless people can sleep under it during the monsoons.
2. If its a statue 183 mts high, then its the height of a 60 floor building. The statue will be in the state of Gujarat, where business is big. Why not build a five-star hotel inside the statue?
3. If the government is spending so much money , a little more spending and imagine we can have a mega telescope in the head of the statue and Indian space research will bloom to greater heights.
4. May be, this might be a conspiracy. The Indian military might be setting up a station atop the statue to monitor Pakistan (which is right across the border).
5. The statue should hold a huge pail to facilitate rain water harvesting.
6. Make Sardar Patel a superhero, so his cape can be made of Solar Panels and produce electricity for the "developed" state.
7. If the State government likes a display so much the statue should have a provision for all the poor people to hang themselves publicly (Patel organised the farmers of Gujarat against the British in the civil- disobedience movement)
8. It should have ducts like human sweat pores, through which water can be let out to clean all the pigeon excrement.

I can go on but I will let the readers add more options. The statute is called 'Statue of Unity'! I really don't know what unity it symbolizes! How many people among the 1.2 billion people really feel 'united' when they see this behemoth of a statue? How many will actually get to see it?

At bloggerheads with internet tests!

As if it was not enough that a number of "lists" flooded the internet, out cometh the new kind on the block! The internet tests! So here is a list of new tests lined up for further release. Some of them you might have already taken!

1. What spice are you test? (No, not the Spice girls version)
2. What galaxy are you test ( As if astrology was not enough!)
3. What tattoo are you test? (Am I getting the tattoo or is the tattoo getting me)
4. What politically incorrect word are you test? (That inner desire to find out..)
5. Which politician are you test? ( To see thyself in thy worst manifestation is a feeling of humility)
6. What test are you test? (Things just got meta!)
7. What kind of stupid fool are you to take these tests, test?
8. What kind of question is that test?
9. What nobody cares all I need is test, test?
10 What kind of pattern do i observe here test?
11. What kind of dumb solace i get relating to nonsensical things test?

Now imagine if this trend is used in schools, kids would love tests instead of detesting them. For example.
1. What kind of reaction will you be if you were Sodium Chloride test?
2. What kind of escape velocity will you be if you were a body of mass XYZ?
3. What kind of cell division would you be test?

Now imagine if the school tests happened on Quiz-up (A mobile app which lets you challenge your friends for an intellectual duel) . As if the existing competition is not destroying their childhood enough!
It would be even better if the quiz-up was broadcast over the internet. And then one could take the
1. Which kid who is taking the test are you test?
2. What kind of wager are you in the test, test?
The possibilities are immense! So before you go,

What productive thing have I done today test? (Other that reading this blog)

Battleground- Democracy!

Its a cloudy Monday morning. The General elections are starting in India today. My social network is flooded with election news and views, a lot of them posted by, none other than me! So in the same spirit of adding a drop to this sea of opinions, I decided to do a content analysis of the election manifestos of the two biggest parties contending in the the Indian elections, the Congress and the BJP.

For those who are unaware, Content Analysis is a research method , as Berelson defined it "objective, systematic, and quantitative description of the manifest content of communication". Basically certain codes are created, then the particular text is analysed using that code (Eg: Counting the number of times IPL and corruption are used together).

I employed the same technique but instead of phrases or sets of words , I chose to see how many times one particular word was used in both manifestos. The results were as usual, unbelievable!!

Let me start with the most favorite word of the politicians- Development.  The BJP used this word 84 times while the congress 56. "Women" on the other hand made an appearance of 58 times in the Congress manifesto and 37 in the BJP's. "Growth" had 33 hits with BJP and 49 with the congress.

Welfare, Job, Corruption, Education, Pakistan, Minorities, Poverty, Crime, LokPal, Youth, FDI, Food, Maoist, Sustainable, Rural, Industry, Business- All these words appeared almost the same number of times, with sometimes difference of 1 or 2.

The LGBT community and the North-East is not on anyone's agenda.

But when it comes to bragging rights, the competition explodes beyond the roof! While the BJP talked about themselves for a modest 117 times, the Congress made its presence sure with 265 in their manifesto!

Now if a Martian (to be unbiased) took these two documents and cleared them of all the colors and stylistic elements, and replaced the names of the parties with arbitrary names like XYZ or ABC, no one, not even Modi and Rahul Gandhi , could tell the difference between the two!
On the contrary , they would resemble, two long lost brothers in a Bollywood movie, reunited, after the see similar tattoos on their forearms. In this case the tattoo would say "Slaves of" on one hand and "Capitalism" on the other!!

So, go and vote, for this is democracy!
This research method might have flaws and inter-coder reliability is quintessential in Content Analysis. So please try it out.


  

How to change a Light bulb in London

There have been a lot of jokes on how many people are required to change a light bulb. But seldom has anybody described the place where its been changed. So here, in this post, where I try to be as electrifying as the English weather, shall explain the mundane process of changing the light bulb in London.

Although my insatiable need to list is trying to overpower me, I shall show my rebellion by not numbering this list.

Nice weather, isn't it ? (Couldn't start a list on London without weather talk)

At the unfortunate moment of the death of a light bulb, go buy another one.

Send out an e-mail to all the residents of the building stating that a bulb would be changed in the building at the prescribed time. Apologize for the inconvenience.

Send out an e-mail to all the residents of neighboring buildings stating the same. Apologize for any noise that might be caused.

Send out an email to the local NHS General Practitioner stating you would be undertaking this task.

Remember this is the city of London, so before changing bulb, erect a scaffolding to the building.

Put out sign boards in bright orange that say "Bulb changing in process" , "Men at work" , "No Smoking" and just in case "Cyclist Dismount".

Divert the pedestrians.

Stop the Bakerloo and Central Lines. Apologize for the inconvenience.

Announce there would be delays in the Central and Circle Lines. Apologize.

Wear fluorescent safety jacket, a white safety helmet, Safety goggles, safety gloves and steel-toe boots.

Climb the ladder and change the bulb.

Take the old bulb to the dustbins. Spend a good ten minutes reading the boards which tell you what items go into the different colored bins. Dispose the bulb in the right bin. (This normally ends with a euphoric feeling of "I have done the right thing, I saved the planet" )

Return to your building.

Invite your mayor, Boris Johnson to switch on the new bulb. Invite some from the Royal Family too. (Daily Mail and The Evening Standard will follow)

CLICK

ppppsssshhhhhtttttttttt...





Apologize.

Repeat procedure from the beginning.

Buildings of London

There has been a geographical shift in my muse. What used to be the serene streets of India has now shifted to the heart of London. But, as the old saying goes 'Old habits die hard'. So here I am in London, making one more of my lists!
All the architects can pay attention for they might end up with a lucrative deal to build something in central London, for these are the prerequisites.

1. There is only one way for the building to grow, that is straight up into the sky!

2. You can use concrete if you want but , Glass has to be the main ingredient.

3. Walkie-Talkie, Cheese-grater, glass Shards and cucumbers are all valid shapes of buildings. So you better be creative! Wine bottle, crown, basketball shoes, lettuce are some unexplored shapes. The Queen's Guard's Hat can even win you an award.

4. No building is complete without two cranes, placed strategically at the top. Not to forget the red lights to warn the heavy air traffic.

5. Neon lighting for the night is quintessential. Especially in the winters when most of the day is night.

6. To balance the excessive use of neon lights, do provide solar panels to silence the environmentalists. Although the energy produce from those panels will be enough to light one small cigarette.

7. Name the building as XYZ "wharf". It will work.

8. Inaugurate the building by inviting a member of the Royal Family and ask him to Base Jump/ Rappel/ Bungee Jump/ Jump from the top floor.

9. Advertise by saying that the building has an 'AMAZING' view. (Yes If you stand on the top of the crane you might be able to see a part of the London Eye, and trust me its amazing!)

10. Finally wash your hands in the Thames and head to Dubai/Doha for your next project.

Ode to EggPuff

Do not expect a poem just because I titled the post with an "ode". I chose that word because it is normally when people praise or appreciate something both intellectually and emotionally.
I praise, appreciate and enjoy that beautiful creation called 'Egg Puff'!

There are few food items in this world that pack such a powerful punch as the egg puff! A little research on the internet reveals its a popular street food in Honk Kong. One thing i am sure about is , those puffs from the far east are not the ones I am in love with. These are home bred, made in the bakeries (owned predominantly either by a Krishna loving red liners, or by citizens of gods own country), kept in steel incubators with a bulb as yellow as the puff itself,  served on a piece of newsprint, and to be eaten right outside the bakery counter!

What is it that makes this artery clogging devil so good? Let me dive into the impossible task of describing that divine feeling.

As soon as you order one, the baker takes it out of the incubator. Immune to its heat, he places it on piece of newspaper. The news paper readily accepts the egg puff and starts to blot with oil, a sure sign of succumbing to its power! The baker then takes a knife and cuts the puff into two halves. Few crunchy pieces fall out (these serve as the last bite too). Some steam escapes and the beautiful yellow and white curves are revealed.
The first bite into an egg puff is always filled with greed (do refer to my previous post). One normally wants the egg-white, the yellow, the onions, the masala and some of the deep fried layers, all to come in one bite! If one succeeds he/she is surely an "egg-puff Pro"! This greedy bite is normally followed by a couple of minutes of agony. For the eater, seduced by the looks of the puff, will have completely forgotten the incubator, which made the puff "hot"!

When the taste buds are hit by the aura of the puff they melt! they melt in confusion, sending signals to the brain, unable to decipher the ecstasy! It is spicy, yet sweet with egg white, it is crunchy, yet soft with the yellow, it has vegetables, yet egg to satisfy the naughty primordial instincts of the hunter, it is healthy but deep fried. It is the ying and the yang. It has the creator and the destroyer.
The second bite sends a crackle through the body, with the teeth enjoying in crushing the deep fried base. The mouth is covered in a thin layer of fat momentarily , before it is washed away by the vegetables and the masala.
The final step is when the fallen debris of this monumental snack, is transferred from the fourth-estate to the palm of ones hand. That last remnants create a the feeling of the sparks after a fireworks show.
With the stomach satisfied, the brain mesmerized, the newsprint serves as a tissue paper, taking out all the oil from the hands, but leaves a lingering smell just to keep us hungry before it reaches the dustbin!

Words. I want the police to arrest the words on charges of defamation. For words have just not described the egg-puff well! There is only one way you can do justice to an egg puff, and you all know how.

Greed for Needs

Once I moved out of the comfort of high school, problems concerning the society started to become visible. Economic, social and political problems were suddenly everywhere. People are in a constant fight to live, to earn a living and maintain a family. This constitutes to a majority of the population in India. There is the creamy elite and the rich middle-class of India who are in a whole different world of smartphones and German cars!
I got to travel a lot of Southern India, thanks to the research project I was assisting. This opened up my mind to the disparity of wealth that exists in the country. All the reports, articles and books I had read about wealth disparity, started to come to life!
The greatest luxury we have is that we are confident about our next meal!
As the thought process on how to solve the disparity in wealth, when one is staying in a capitalistic market, lead me to this idea.
Its known that when the people at the bottom of the pyramid are working for their living, the rich are haunting the luxuries. What happens when the rich get greedy about human needs? By human needs I mean Air, Water, Food, Shelter and Clothing. The rich are greedy for better air- they can buy hybrids, reduce carbon emission etc. The rich are greedy for food- help the farmer grow better. They are greedy for better clothing- finance the thousands of garment workers. So with their greed of needs increasing the whole society is developing, and to an extent disparity is reduced.

But this is Utopian. How can we draw a line for human greed? If there is anything as infinite as the human imagination, its his greed. Even in the wildest futures, the above thought materializes, will the farmer/garment worker be satisfied with what he has?

I feel the concept of "Greed for Needs" is a step which can at least lead the consumerist society in spending for the betterment of the society. What can be the solution? Marx's vision is impossible now. This time when we have fallen, tangled, knotted deep in the abyss of Capitalism.  

Hell ride in God's own country.

A couple of days ago I realized that I have an affinity to board ridiculously strange buses. I also realized it was never out of choice , but pure chance. Here is my latest one.

This bus was supposed to take me from Mannadavady (a small town in Kerala) to Kalpetta (a small town in Kerala, where 2:1 is the ratio of gold jewellery shops to number of people).
Let me provide a formalist view of the bus first. A 30 seater bus, of an unknown make. The paint job was a vibrant pink and purple over off-white. The interior was heavily chromed (the railings, supports etc). The upholstery seemed heavier than the chrome. Maroon velvet seat covers covered with dark blue diamonds, and shining off-white head rests. With the shiny poles and cushioned seats, the bus resembled a strip-club, with the obvious elements missing!

The wind shield of the bus had a board which said that it was a 'Fast Passenger'. What was thought to be a good thing, was actually not! There are two possibilities I inferred, either the bus was one of those raerest-of-rare artifacts where the brake is an extra throttle, or the driver has a firm belief that the horn itself is the brake. The bus did not slow down to anything. Sharp curves, head-on traffic, cows, Lungi clad road crossers , come what may the bus did not slow down. If the people at CERN had traveled in this bus before, they would not have wasted so much money on a particle accelerator. At about this time , I threw my bucket list out of the window, as I clearly did not see the point of having one.

I looked around to see if anything in the bus would give me comfort. There was a 'No Smoking' board. Obviously, anyone who tries to smoke at this speed is risking a burnt face ( Like one of those road runner cartoons). Next to it was the Complaint Box and as expected there was no box. It understood that once you have seen "The Light" there is no use complaining. Plus if you survived, you should be happy to be alive, so No Complaints!

Next my eyes moved to the First aid box. That was certainly a relief. I was confident that at the moment of adversity, there would surely be help to nurse the cut on my little toe finger. Although I would have to wait for the medics to tend to my cracked skull, broken neck, collapsed lungs, ruptured intestines, displaced spine and not to mention a couple of bruises here and there. Then I realized that even the first-aid kit was missing. I need to appreciate the owners of this bus for their impressive thinking. They had replaced the kit with the music system! Ah! What better thing than music to heal the petrified soul! I then paid attention to the music. One of the most popular Bollywood song of the 90's"Dil to pagal hai" (the heart is mad) was playing. Quite an apt song for one has to be mad to get into this ride!

Fortunately Kalpetta arrived. I was still breathing, my "pagal heart" was still beating and I used all the adrenalin in my body to jump out on to terra firma! As the bus zoomed, I saw Emergency Exit written on the back of the bus. It was not an exit for the bus, but in case you wanted an "emergency exit" from the beautiful life in Kerala, you had to take this Hell ride in God's Own Country!

Party time!!!

Parties. the "life" for some youth, the bane for some "elders". I have attended quite a few parties and most of them have a lot in common. Only a few parties really stand out! Let me tell you what I did this Friday night. This was not one of the usual 9-12 parties!

The club and the dance floor was a overused SETC bus. There are posters of parties which claim that they will take you places, this one was taking me from Ooty to Coimbotore for sure! The crowd was cosmopolitan, but also had a weird mix of grandmothers, tiny tots and grey headed grand-dad hipsters. As the party started, the music from the speakers (which seemed right out of 80's rock show) began to engulf the bus. Foot-thumping Tamil numbers set the right tempo to the party.

The crowed swayed its hips to the music spun by our DJ (they had no option as Physics forced them to). The way he spun his wheel, everyone swayed in unison, almost in sync with the beat. Unlike Tiesto's all white apparel (Wikipedia, if you were not born between 1980-2000), our DJ was in all brown. He changed gears like discs, spinning the wheel constantly!

This party, unlike any other had its usual elements. The "bores" who felt the party wasn't good and the usual bunch who come with a lot of baggage (pun intended). The party had a lot of dangerous curves which made it really exciting. Other clubs (read: vehicles) passed us by like faces which pass by on the dance floor.

The crowd was intoxicated with the beauty outside, the full moon acting like a disco ball, making the forest below shine! The party which started off cold in ooty, was pretty hot as it neared Coimbotore. As people got off the club, there was that familiar look on faces of everyone, the look which showed desperation to get back home and crash (party jargon intended).

I being a club hopper, continued my party scene. The welcome that I got in the next club was almost homely. The girls voice was very familiar. By the time I tried to figure out who that was, she screamed in my ear " Welcome to Indian Railways, Train number 61234.... "

Paper Priorities

6:00 PM, Newspaper Bureau.
Editor: "Get me the front page! we cant be late today, it has to go to print by 7"
Sub-ed 1: (Shouts from his cubicle) " I got all the stories sir, call a meeting we will start off the design"
Editor: (Screams) Advertisement Dept! send the template!
Random guy from the Ad Dept: "Sir 20 by 30 ad in the bottom, and one on the name of our paper"
Editor: " Arrey!!! Send the template! I dont care if there is no news on the front page also.. send the template!"

6:45 PM, Newspaper Bureau. (After a short break of tea, biscuits,  cigarettes and interesting conversation)
Editor: "Send the Template! "
Sub-ed 2: " Sir! I got the template! call a meeting we will start off the design"
Editor: (Shouts): "MEETING"!

6:50 PM, Newspaper Bureau.
Editor: "yes, what stories do we have for the front page?"
Reporter 1: "Sir, a peaceful protest in the capital turned violent after police used tear gas and lathi charge. We live in a democracy sir, the rights have been curtailed"
Reporter 2: "Sir an update on the gang-rape victim. She gave a statement!"
Reporter 3: (Crime beat) "couple of suicides and some kidnapping, No front page stuff sir"
Reporter 4: " Facebook has new application sir"
Reporter 5: " Report on Nuclear power plant, and the Russian Presidents Visit"
Reporter 6: " Cricketer retired sir"
Editor: "Oh! its already 7, We have some good stories today, nothing much to be discussed, we will put the most important three on the front page"
Sub-eds/ Reporters" "yes sir"

7:05 PM , Newspaper Bureau
Paper is sent for printing.

7:05 AM,  Some random house in the neighborhood, Coffee accompanied by Newspaper
FRONT PAGE- Top Story: "Cricketer Bids adieu" (in bold red letters, along with photos and stats)
                         Second Story: "Protest turn violent" (a small 3 column story)
                         Bottom Story: "Facebook gets a new app" (in Colour, with graphics)

Dilemma..

With the recent incidents of rape in New Delhi and other places, the internet and the media has seen an outrage of protests, debates and rallies to urge the government to do something, something drastic about this problem.

It is a good thing to see that people are engaging themselves, and are using all the media possible to curtail this evil. it is high time the government takes action to make our streets safer.
I support these protests with all my heart. I always think of a state where citizens (men, women or others) have the liberty to walk on the streets at any time of the day/night, without any fear. That is the responsibility of the Government to make sure that the citizens are safe. If I want to enjoy a casual walk in the pristine starry night, I would want to do it. The police (the government) needs to make sure I am safe, not questioned and harassed. I would not hold the police responsible if a snake bites me, or if a dog chases me. Robbers, rapists, drunken drivers, and eve teasers are what I want to be protected from.

The Government might argue, that if one needs protection from all those things, they better stay indoors. This is  a curtailment of a fundamental right to move. Do keep in mind they might suggest the same if someone is mugged in broad day light.

The protests which followed these incidents (and which follow every other incident also) , address the punishment for the crimes committed. The people feel  as the punishment is not severe enough, these incidents continue to happen. I do agree that the punishment delivered, is so late that it hardly creates an impact. The government needs to buck up on this.
But what about the kind of punishment? Capital punishment seems to be in the minds of many people. Is this really right?

I being a man, will never know the agony, pain, embarrassment or any emotion that a woman feels when she is teased, groped or raped. From the instances i have read, from the millions of instances that my friends have narrated, getting back to normal after such incidents is very tough and most of the times impossible. It permanently scars the life of a woman.

The intention behind punishing someone, is to make him realize his/her mistake. When one is sentenced to death, it might show the society what lies in store if they commit a crime. But for the culprit it might be a relief. Killing of a human is the most heinous of acts. When the law awards death penalty, aren't we stooping to the same level as the criminals? One cant differentiate "killing". If an individual does it its Murder, if a country does it its War and if "killing" is done legally its Capital Punishment.

This is an extremely delicate issue. The culprit cannot go unpunished. Personally I feel, capital punishment is not the answer. I might not even know the alternatives, as torture seems equally inhuman. Guilt, is something the law can play on. Guilt has the ability to punish a human physically and mentally. Wish it was that easy. What if the culprits have grown over guilt? which is true in many cases. As I finish this blog, my mind is still unclear. I cannot support capital punishment, but I know criminals cannot be let free..
May be, as I have been thinking about this for a long time, one day I shall write again... hopefully without a dilemma.

Third Eye goes Mythological

Karna of Kaliyuga.

Third eye looks at the rebellious Banglore!

Bangloreans Rebel without a cause! and in all the wrong places! in all the wrong ways! I am saying this not as an outsider but as a Mysorean (Mysoreans and B'loreans share a very convoluted Love-hate relationship)

Stereotyping on the front page

During my masters, I had studied stereotyping in  society and how it has spread to the media as well. In this patriarchal society that we live, stereotypes about women are  most common. Normal stereotypes are that they are emotional, weak, etc etc and not to forget the colour pink!

Although i kept an open eye to spot such stereotyping in the media, I got quite a shock a couple of days back.

The Deccan Herald, a popular newspaper, reported on October 19, about a situation in the Tiruvanathpuram airport. The headlines (front page , second story) read as below:

  "PANICKY WOMAN PILOT SCRIPTS HIJACK DRAMA"

I am sure that most of the readers just read the headline and went on to do their daily chores. But this headline has been troubling me for a while.

I raise the following questions. Was it necessary to mention that it was a woman? Would a "male" pilot be "panic free" in a hijack situation? Do the men receive special training?  Did the noun 'Pilot' require those two adjectives? If a male pilot had done the same would the headline read "Panicky Male pilot scripts hijack drama"? Who is creating the drama here, the newspaper itself?

This is how stereotyping gets stronger. I feel there was no need of both the adjectives in the headline.  Readers will seldom see the item as a situation faced by a pilot, but see it as a situation which occurred because the pilot was a woman! Headlines and reports of this kind provide validation for stereotypes and make them stronger pushing people to take decisions based on the same. This is detrimental to the society!

So please be aware of stereotyping, and the next time your about to board the plane, do check if the pilots are male, female or transgenders!!

When Logic takes on the Hulk!

Fortunately or unfortunately one more movie has come under my fire! The Incredible Hulk (2008) is  movie about the scientist Bruce Banner, who, thanks to a gamma ray experiment gone horribly wrong, transforms into a big green super human, whenever his pulse rate goes above a certain limit. In this part, Banner battles a soldier who tries to employ the same "accident" to become a super soldier, but ends up becoming a monster. A fine entertainer staring Edward Norton and Liv Tyler.
While watching this movie a couple of days back (watching it the nth number of time), logic suddenly struck my head. Now, while watching a Hollywood entertainer like this  one, it is advised to keep the brain aside and enjoy the movie. I did managed to do this for the first couple of times. But this nth time, my brain came alive like the Hulk himself.
Just before one of the most gripping parts of the movie, where Banner transforms into the hulk for the first time, he (when is still human) swallows a pen-drive, to protect it from getting into the wrong hands (read as the US Army, how ironic). After the transformation and a whole lot of action, banner regurgitates the pen-drive in the same solid state. This is where logic attacked my brain.
Firstly, the swallowing of the device happens sometime in the early evening and the regurgitation sometime in the late afternoon/early evening the next day. So the time elapsed is roughly 24 to 25 hours. In a normal human being, the complete process of digestion, from ingestion to excretion takes anywhere between 24 to 40 hours (approximate from what i remember of the science text books). So when Bruce Banner, pukes out the device after 24hours , it remains the same. No difference from when it had been swallowed. Now comes my favorite part, lets list the logical explanations for this.

1. The pen-drive cannot possibly be in the same state. The human digestive system has a lot of gasrtic juices and acids being produced continuously. We need to remember that Banner transforms into the hulk, and so does his digestive system. The strength of the gastric juices would also increase. So could the pen-drive be immune to such strong acids?

2. In the time lapsed, considering the amount of jumping, running and a whole lot of action, digestion wouldn't have stopped (not that it would if you sat still). Nor would the movement in the digestive tract. So in 24 hours Banner could not possibly regurgitated it but , on the contrary the device would be easier to extract from the opposite orifice.

3. A possible explanation would be, when Banner transforms into the Hulk, his digestive system might transform into one like the Ruminants. So the pen-drive would be safe in his rumen, and can be retrieved (pun intended) any time he wants.

4. the pen-drive was made up of Adementium (material of Wolverine's bones) (Yes this is logical)

5.  How did the data inside survive? are pen-drives water/gastric juice proof? It must contain some very complex data about materials and chemicals (again..pun intended)

So there it is. The things which came to my head when, i would like to put it as, "logic" hit my brain. The flip side to this line of thought was the thought which succeeded all of this. "My doltish brain did not find a man surviving huge amounts of radiation and running around illogical, but found the above piece  clashing with logic!"
Sad but true!

A paradox called language!

What is language? If one tries to search for the definition, it would be  'A body of words and the system for their use common to the people of the same community or nation, same geographical area or cultural tradition".
So language, is a system, bound by the obdurate rules of grammar. From the earliest of our schooling days, we are taught how to be within the boundaries of grammar, so that we become "good" speakers and writers of the same. But language is not static. It keeps on changing. So does the boundaries.Paradox.
The primary purpose of language is to communicate. So even if differences lie in between a sender of a message and a receiver of the same, if the message is correctly conveyed then the purpose is served. But these differences , when unleashed may lead to complete chaos as one cannot understand another person. Thus language remains quintessential. Paradox.
We as children are taught language, for it to be precise and so on. Then the same teacher takes the students into the world of poetry and talks about "poetic licence" and how the language is twisted, turned and modified. But when we see a board like the one posted above, its bad language! Paradox.
To conclude language is a dynamic system of contradictions and paradoxes, every one is forced to learn and unlearn, as dynamically as the language itself.
Of the three languages i know, i forgot to mention one paradox. English. 

Third Eye..blinks..

Ladder inspired by the Moon walk
" Three small steps to mankind...one gaint leap for life"

Third Eye...

Producing "Knock out" Pugilists since 1935! 

Road to the future

The year is 2050. The city of Bangalore is no where close to what was once called as the garden city. Although there has been considerable loss of greenery in this city, in the past five decades, it still has pockets of vegetation left. All the gardens have now moved on to the terraces.
The roads of Bangalore , infamous as always for the rash unpredictable traffic, has also multiplied for the worse. Road accidents are more common than tree felling which is a daily affair here. Hospitals, which once had Trauma and emergency now have a separate department right in the front of their buildings, dedicated only for road accidents. The situation looks bleak. The mentality of the motorists of the city has not changed.
They want to go, and go fast. Take the turn first. Overtake whatever, whenever and however! Roads are optional, footpaths are speedways. the honk is more important than the brake. Adding to this mentality is the ever increasing number of people taking to the roads everyday, with machines which have potential atom bombs as their engines!
At such a time, Gopal Ram, a zoology major in college, IAS topper and efficient administrator took charge of the Road transport ministry. His first task on the agenda was to reduce the road accidents. Using his zoology background he put forth an idea. He proposed that every vehicle in the city would be fitted with a detection system like bats, which would stop the vehicles before collision. An ultra sensitive radar which would avoid accidents in most cases. The idea was revolutionary and was passed as a bill. In-foe-sys , a company owned by the then chief minister's brother in law, came forward to produce the radar system. And with a little help from the Germans, they devised a exceptionally accurate and powerful device with the ability to stop the vehicle if it came "extremely" close to another. A massive drive exercised by the ministry made sure all the vehicles were fitted with these devices by August 15 2050. And they did it.
Today, August 15 2050, the road got its independence.
ALL 7 million vehicles of Bangalore are stalled on the roads, unable to move.
I am on what was once called Hosur road... and I know I got miles to walk before i sleep, miles to walk before i sleep...

The Beauty of the Future

As my exams have concluded, I have a lot of time (not that i don't otherwise). When there is a lot of free time the TV does take up some share of the 'free time' cake! Once a great man said, "An idle mind in not a Devils workshop, but is in front of the TV". During my television viewing marathon, i saw an advertisement that showed a special deo which actually makes your under arms whiter/ fairer! It hard to believe but its true. Now correct me if im wrong but aren't deo's supposed to just cut off the smell?
Apparently not. So the new formula of a hybrid, unbelievable underarm fairness cream+ good fragrance+ aerosol = Deo of 2012!
With my experience with marketing, whatever i studied of it, tells me product innovation and foresight are quintessential for the success of a business. Theodore Levitt has already warned us about Marketing Myopia. So I thought of some of the products for the future that P&G, Unilever or Body Shop can use to make mad moolah! (Any such product, if introduced into the market , must remit 3% of the sales to me!hope this disclaimer helps)
Here goes - A list of beauty products of the future!

1. Shampoo de hypertrichosis :(for men only) This amazing shampoo with 3 quarters moisturizer and soya proteins enriches and protects your "ear hair" from root to tip, giving it a shine and strength it always required! Say bye-bye to ugly, unruly ear hair and say Hello to smooth silky ear locks!!!

2. Creme de white toes : (Unisex) A revolutionary product right out of the P***ds lab, to make sure you will never face the awkward moment of someone seeing the skin between your toes! This cream whitens the area using silver extracts and Ginger oil to make those neglected parts of your body pearly white.

3. Hair de Nose dye: (unisex) Yes we have seen funky hair colour, funky hair styles and funkier hair cuts! Why not funky nose hair!? Stop trimming them and start colouring them. Extracted from flowers of amazon , try out the Tangy Blue, Orchid red, or the most common Mushy mucus!!

4. Brylcream Brow risers: (aimed at men...)For years brylcream has quenched the thirst of the hair needs of men. Now it goes one step lower! A perfect mix of coconut oil and milk cream, this gel can not only style your eyebrows (not to mention Unibrows) but nourish them too!

5. Underarm wash : yes there is facewash, handwash...why not underarm wash!! This is a multi purpose wash which exfoliates(ouch!), cleanses, removes ingrown hair, prevents germ build, prevents odor, makes them fair, attractive and last but not the least causes skin cancer. People would be ready to take a chance!! This soap is made from natural extracts from pumice stones and salts from the pure sweat of yaks in the Himalayas! Indulge in an underarm fantasy!!


So there it is, a glimpse of the future. Beautiful isn't it?
( I have nothing against the French, but Paris being the fashion capital i thought the brand names would sound real )

5 things a Post-modernist cannot do!!

Philosophy is as interesting as it can get boring. But what if we see philosophy with a touch of comedy and laugh. It might not be the same. So here is my attempt to plant the seed of thought through some really unconventional means.
So what are the five things that a post modernist cannot do? (here goes one more list!!)
1. A post modernist can never play Truth or dare. Or he can but he will always choose the dare, as there is no one truth in his view! it might get boring without the juicy truths.

2. Never participate in money making game shows like 'The moment of truth' or 'Sachh Ka Samna'. The criteria for the show itself bans these people because of the multiple truths they believe in, and they sure will win! And Sony corp is not so rich to just give every post modernist a million dollars.

3. Be a Rotarian. No, that is not happening in a post-modernist's life, as the first guideline for a Rotarian is ' Is it the truth?'. With that question our post modernist friend will be stumped!

4. Under go a narco analysis . If there is no single objective truth, is there any use of the whole procedure?!

5. Pinocchio's nose in the post modernist world would not grow( how boring is that ). If there is no single objective truth, Pinocchio never lies. Which implies that there will be no growing noses. which equates to a boring story(damn this philosophy!)
There you go, What i have given is what a post modernist cannot do. My next post will be the things he CAN do. You can then decide whether post modernism is your cup of tea or not! Till then keep drinking coffee.

Third eye - Forever

Rebel without a cause!

Third eye - returns

I dont think the anti dust coating this guy endorses is of any good.the car below the board needs some dusting! Any one ready for TAPLON coat??

Perception of the powerful patriarch

It is a common thing that one hears about the society being patriarchal, men pulling the strings and parading their dominance. However this feeling of being the more dominant and more powerful sex is not a superficial force. This has been etched in the minds of men and women alike due to centuries of domination.
In our society (by 'our' society, I mean a society which is supposedly 'modern') we do not see this domination or the effect of it directly. it is subtle and subverted but equally powerful. One recent incident, which gave me quite a shocker, made me realise how powerful the image of a "powerful patriarch" the all providing demi-god is in the minds of commoners.
It was just another summer night in Manipal. We were tying banners around the town for an upcoming event of our college. Our laughs (which sounded more like monstrous howls) was eclipsed by a shrill voice of pain and fear. What we saw was a woman fallen on the road and a man throwing punches and slaps at her. Without second thoughts we ran towards the rumble. The man, shouting that he was her husband ran as soon as he saw five boys running towards him. We did catch him and took him to the police station which was hardly a furlong away. Some threats and a couple of swings from the lathi, they were let go. They were construction workers, both husband and wife. On the way back we kept a close look on them as they crossed the road.
What happened next was unbelievable! The husband picked up a wooden club (some remnant in a construction site) ready to give his wife a royal showdown. This time we ran , shouting violently (this is the nearest I had got to a war cry). My friends started a verbal rant which is impossible to publish (but he deserved it). While this showdown was going on , one guy slightly taller than the husband entered the scene with a helpless look. we had seen him during the couples fight on the road. He looked like a body builder right out of the garadi . One punch from this guy to your stomach would solve all your problems, as you wouldnt be alive to face them. The real shocker was when we came to know this guy was the couples son, who was a mute spectator till now, as he feared his dad who, in front of him looked like a puny animal!!
Need i have to say more, that is the perception of the powerful patriarch!

Asimov at his best!!

I prefer rationalism to atheism. The question of God and other objects-of-faith are outside reason and play no part in rationalism, thus you don’t have to waste your time in either attacking or defending
Isaac Asimov (1920-1992)

Quote

"Television is the hardware to introduce the software of Capitalism"
K V Akshara


K V Akshara, the present head of Ninasam, a theatre group in Heggodu, Karnataka, is a playwright/writer.

Sports as Art

Ever since our beloved cave man, decorated his caves with paintings, people started to have a debate as to what art was. They gave different definitions, artists tried to explain this abstract yet very real phenomenon called art in their own way. Centuries have passed but we still are not sure. We, humans are sure that we can go to the moon, but aren't sure of what art is!
Some of the common definitions include art being a form of expression. The piece of art actually takes second place while expression is primary. For some, art is about the form, the shape, colour, structure of the piece. I wont write much about these, because all the answers you need are just a tab(Ctrl T)
Taking all these definitions into consideration, Can sports( all included..even golf!!!) be considered art?
I believe it is, every sport is art and every sportsman an artist. Taking the view of an expressionist, sports is an expression of strength, agility,speed, flexibility of ones body.For a formalist, sports is poetry in motion. The body is the canvas and the game is the paint.
Like any other fine art, a good sports man has intrinsic talent and developed skill. It needs a lot of practice.
Art has no boundaries. It crosses the barriers of language, races, religions and age. So does sports. Put a football (To all the ignorant Americans, its a soccer ball)in middle of a group of strangers, and within seconds the game is on. it bring people together, just like art.
Our sports commentators already consider it an art( not commenting, but sports).The adjectives used to describe sport moves are the same one you would hear in an art gallery , a concert or a dance performance. Graceful, strokes, tempo, consistency etc etc
We have seen artists, musicians and poets turning to intoxicants to get their muse or create a magnum opus. Sports is no different Ben Jhonson and Marion Jones turned to intoxicants to "increase their expression".
Sports thus is an art form. it is a form which the public can involve easily. So i end, as i need to put my artist cap and go shoot some hoops.

About the other side..

A one handed shot on equality
Photo courtesy: Supreet J Bargi


There are the ones who speak, and then there are the one who actually experience. Most of the times the one who voices out is stronger. Or so it is believed. One requires immense strength to experience and still keep everything in. Living in oppression, for a eras together, women have always experienced, and not until recently, the men always spoke. But can the "stronger" sex actually help the "weaker" ones?
From time immemorial, crime, justice, conquests, money have always been spoken and documented. These documents were recorded by people who not necessarily experienced or had any direct relation to them. So we build our history on information not from the people who lived, but from people who saw.
And they say, history repeats, so has the second hand documentation. newspaper reports, TV exclusives, special debates on problems of women and the inequality among sexes, fills our media space. A space no different from our patriarchal society. So a man discusses problems of women, he sometimes voices out for them (thought the trend has changed a little, it is very minimal).
How useful is this effort by a person who is in his comfort zone, "understands" the problem of the second sex? Is it really an effort to strike a balance? Should the ladies take the helping hand meted out to them? from the oppressors themselves? Is it just a one handed effort? How near/far are we to equality?

Want directions??

India has been a place of spirituality for many westerners. They travel to this land to find peace and direction in their lives. Whether they find peace or not is secondary, but directions they will find many! For a traveller who has roamed around the sub continent would tell, you would seldom lose your way, as your never far away from a living, air breathing GPS.
We Indians have unlimited enthusiasm for giving directions. All we need is for a place name and a question to fall into our ears, and we will become cartographers the next instant. The beauty of our directions is that we do not tell the travellers just the route, but also the places he will see while taking that route, sign boards, buildings, circles and traffic signals. We overload the traveller already heavy backpack with so much info that he is almost hypnotised to take the orders. But do we stop there? No, we won’t. We might be Indians but we are Humans before that, so curiosity does take over us and in the myriad of directions we give, we manage to drop a question or two on where the traveller is coming from or where he is heading next. Sometimes when we our enthusiasm sky rockets we also tend to be city guides or travel agents, suggesting places for the wanderers next step.
Personally i feel a sense of pride in this quality. We don’t want people to lose ways and spend their travel in gyrating alleys and by lanes! From whatever little of India I have seen, language is never a barrier. The directions, though mostly vocal, are adorned with hand movements, gestures and sometimes even sounds. As I said before we are never far from a helping hand.
The thought does cross my mind, where I feel whether this quality is Indian or is it Human? Is it the same in the sign-board filled streets of the “developed” west? For now let it be Indian, once I travel the world I will tell you whether it is an intrinsic human quality or not!

Gauntlet for Knights on Steel Steeds

The state of Rajastan has the pink city as its capital. The city of Jaipur is adorned with magnificent buildings having a history of centuries. From the literally "breath" taking Hawa Mahal to the sublime Amer Fort. Jaipur is one of the must see places in this country.
Adding to the heritage of the city are the brave Knights on steel steeds, commonly found on the streets of this historic city. Born into royalty these knights are found on a variety of stallions. Namely
1. A sturdy two wheeler
2. A quadracep driven, three wheel chariot
3. A smoke bellowing three wheel war horse
4. Four wheel enclosed chariots
5. Finally Actual horses/ donkeys/ cows/ camels/ elephants.
Let me make it clear these things are not part of you "city tour" attractions. These are real. As the roads of jaipur are not mere roads. They are a video gamers' dream and disciplinarians' nightmare!
Looking at the traffic of the city, through the lenses of a sportsman, there are two rules. Just two!
1. Wear a helmet (pillion included) if you are on a 2 wheeler
2. Seat belts are a must for a car driver.
If you satisfy these two conditions, you are ready to take on the tarmac of jaipur. That is if you dare to! Let me return to my expertise of making a list, Here are the 5 things you wont( probably shouldn't ) do on the roads of Jaipur.
1. Ride your vehicle.
2. Ride your vehicle following traffic rules.
3. Cross the road.
4. Try crossing the road
5. Use the phrase "lets hit the road"!
If not for gravity, motorists of jaipur would have taken their mean machines over buildings, pillars, palaces and even people. It is the most synchronized chaos you will ever see.Vehicles move in from all directions and move out of all the remaining directions. Red need not mean 'Stop', it can connote a) Accelerate with all power, b)Turn without any indication c) Keep your normal pace and cross the junction. The traffic system is so specialized that they have special lanes for overtaking. Yes Germany take notes , these are called footpaths!
The roads of Jaipur are not for the faint hearted. With all due respects, this is one city where even if Ray Charles drove a limo , it wouldn't make any difference nor would it cause any accidents!
So buckle up and hold those reins tight! There is a lot to see in Jaipur, if you survive the streets! ** Ends with War Cry **

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I got miles to go before I sleep
and Miles to go before I sleep.
Robert Frost (1874-1963)

For a moment he was larger than the superstar who was in his mind.

Krishna
Its not his real name, but he matched the character perfectly! A cowherd from Mathura, dark in complexion (Im not being a racist, its just what The book says).

Now that is what i call a "Million Dollar Smile"!

A job well done!

The graveyard in Mathura

WRT

WRT- previous post, for those who did not use short forms in class notes its With Reference to. ( I could have written the full form itself instead of such a long explanation)
Any way, in the graveyard where we were, in the photographers lingo, shooting around, few kids, obviously excited looking at what we were doing, gave us company for a while. I have to say they were not only fun but were not at all shy of the camera! check out the photos you will know.

Rajdhani Express 3

Weekend one
The morning alarm was an awaited one. A 200km journey on the cards. Where to? To one of the wonders of the world. One of the most famous grave sites. The Pyramids of Giza and Aztecs might come in your head. It is because I have not mentioned the purpose behind this grave. Love. This marble edifice has found its place in every Indian’s heart. Form some its an inspiration for some it is the poster on the Barbers door. But they know the Taj Mahal.
Blame the harmones or how our civilization has progressed; the thumping of a 350cc motorbike is always music to a boy’s ear. We ride on meticulously laid out roads. Stopping for the occasional tea. But the civilized roads, like civilization itself, met its end. An incomplete expressway. We continue on mud. Much slower. More dirtier. Manuvering on the muddy “motorable” service road is like our country’s state. We have tasted the fruits of development. But we are on a slow track now. Bumpy and dusty. On One side is the lure of the lush green fields of prosperity, while on the other is the grey dry development. We have so far moved on enjoying both the sides. Each separately. But will these three paths meet somewhere in the future. Not in the near future. May be the distant one.
The aim was to visit one of the most Islamic grave site. We ended up in an Islamic graveyard alright. But it was nowhere close to Agra. We were in a graveyard for the worshippers of Mecca, in one of the holiest places for the Hindus. Mathura. It was here , these very grounds , where lord Krishna took birth. Like most religious centers, Mathura is also dirty. The roads are filled with dust ,dung and devotion. It is one of those places which has an identity crisis whether it is a village, a town or a city.
We were there, deciding whether to head to Taj or take a U-turn and find a road, a proper road back to Delhi. Our thoughts were like a pendulum, until we saw the temple with around 200 people, lined up in front of the temple and countless more inside, to have one look at the idol. Devotion and belief acted as force fields to the people who were waiting outside. The dry afternoon sun, the dust from the roads, the smoke from the vehicles, cow dung filled streets , nothing mattered. Their souls needed no cleansing, it was their feet and faces that needed some.
From that sight the bike had a mind of its own and decided to take the highway. Stopping occasionally at dhabhas and tea stalls we reached back with a lot of memories and a lot more road sense!!

Every citizen, trying to make a kingdom out of his own world